Not with my back

Not long returned from three days in Northumberland, I come late to a piece by the Observer newspaper headlined 'Vegetables are the new sex'.

It's an interesting idea and there's no doubting that vegetables and the art of growing them is going through a renaissance at the moment. But the new sex? Too far, I think, but how else are you going to fill those chunky Sunday newspapers?

In any case, I have done my back in scrabbling under the computer to sort out some wires. The pain is shocking and it has ruled out most activity for me at the moment. In fact, I can barely move and will probably pay when I try to rise from the chair after typing this.

There are many things to be doing in the garden - weeding, green manuring, picking beans - but I am incapable for the time being. Susan will pick and water the tomatoes for me, still going strong and producing a good crop.

For me, it's any tablet I can get my hands on and also any drink. Painkillers and whisky - just what the doctor would order if asked.